pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
