I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize