Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
