I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
