i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
