Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
