Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
