just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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