do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
