walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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