Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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