that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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