Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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