Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
