I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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