Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
