Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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