Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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