ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
