____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize