Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
