bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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