My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
