I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
