I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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