So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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