I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
