so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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