He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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