I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
