its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
