please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
