i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
