I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
