An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
