Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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