Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize