I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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