I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
