I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
