Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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