and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize