i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
