Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
