FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
