i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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