Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
