Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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