I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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