haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
