yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
