The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize