Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
