swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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