we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
