So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
