The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
