I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
