im gay
i know
yea but for you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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