I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
