can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
