He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
