No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
