i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
