Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize