One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize