Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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