12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
