At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
