It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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