i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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