It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
