i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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