so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
